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JOE 



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BY / 



CHARLES BARNARD 

AUTHOR OF ''the COUNTY FAIR," "PSYCHE, M. D.," ETC 



TWO COPIES RECEIVED 




CHICAGO ^: ' ''^ '" '. ' ''^' 

THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 



/ '- 






CHARACTERS. 

Josephine, sometimes called " Joe" aged la 

Marjorie, her sister, aged 12. 

Kitty Blanchard, Joe's cousin, aged 7. 

Dolly Blanchard, Kittys sister, aged 9. 

Master Jack, Joe's brother, aged 14. 

Master Sam, Kitty's brother, aged 9. 

Katy, aged 13. 

Pussie, aged 6. 

Micky Flynn, a bad boy, aged 12. 

Mrs. Morton, Joe's moflier. 

Mrs. Neal, Katy's mother. 

Plays forty-five minutes. 



Act I. A Parlor in Mrs. Morton's House. 
Act II. A Path in the Woods. 

Costumes of to-day. 



Copyright, 1897, by the Dramatic PubHshing Company, Chicago. 



Notice.— The professional acting rights of this play are reserved by 
the publishers, from whom written permission must be obtained before 
performance. All persons- giving unauthorized productions will be 
prosecuted to the full extent of the law. This notice does not apply to 
amateurs, who may perform the play without permission. 



Note by Publisher.— Lightning may be produced by blowing 
finely powdered resin through a tin tube over a candle flame. Thunder 
is best imitated by shaking a piece of sheet-iron. 

The sound of rain is made by a " rain box," which is prepared as fol- 
lows : Take an ordinary cheese box, and around the inner rim fasten a 
number of slats about six inches apart, and extending from top to 
bottom of the box. The box must have an axle so that it will revolve 
like a wheel. Put a quart of dried peas in the box and suspend it 
between two supports outside the first entrance. When the box is re- 
volved the ratthng of the peas will make a good imitation of a rainstorm. 



JOE. 



ACT I. 

[Scene. — A parlor or sitfing-room in a country house^ with 
entrances at right and left and, if convenient, a French 
window at back with view of garden or lawn. Simple furni- 
ture. At right, near front, a doll's wash-tub standing on a 
chair. Sundry pieces of dolV s clothing drying ott the backs 
of chairs, etc. At centre, a table with books, etc., and a box of 
carainels. Beside table, a rocking-chair. In frojit of table, 
a doll's bed made up. At left, in front, a doll's kitchen with 
utensils, etc. 

Time. — Mortting in summer. 

Curtain discovers Joe washing a doll's garmetit in the tub ; 
Kitty mixing four and salt in some of the utensils, aitd 
Marjorie sitting on the floor, dressing a doll, by the little bed, 
and Dolly seated in the rocking-chair rocking a large rag doll 
to sleep. All work for a moment in silence,'] 

Dolly. [Holding up doll.'] Tusan wants a dum-drop. 

Marjorie. Oh ! Your Susan is always wanting candy, and 
she can't eat a thing since her mouth was repaired. 

Dolly. [Looking at the doll.] Tusan is 'speptic and I have 
to eat all her candy for her. Where are the dum-drops ? 

Marjorie. The gum-drops are all gone, Dolly, but you can 
have one of my caramels in that box. [Dolly stands up, lays 
doll on table, face dow7iward, and takes a caraijiel from table, 
and then slowly eats it.] 

Dolly. Fankyou. 

Joe. [Holding up starched garment.] I do believe I've 
starched Mandy's things too much. They will scratch her poor 
arms first time she puts them on. [Puts garment in tub of 
water,] I'll put this frock to soak. [Washes the garment, 
vigorously splashing the water about.] 

3 



4 JOE. 

Kitty. I'm afraid I've put too much salt in Stella's cake, and 
she'll be so thirsty there'll be no comfort living with her. [Put- 
ting ill ifiore Jlour.'] It needs more flour. 

Marjorie. Oh, your Stella has a china head. She won't 
mind a little salt. [Here Joe, in washing, upsets the tub on the 
floor with a splash.~\ 

Joe. There ! The tub just upset itself. 

Marjorie. Oh, Josephine ! What a mess you have made ! 
What will mother say ? Here it is your birthday and you're 
worse than ever ! It does seem as if you never had any train- 
ing. 

Joe. [Mops up the water with a clean handkerchief?^ Every- 
thing is perfectly depravitated. Wash-tub just upset itself. I 
declare it's no use trying to be good when things act so. I guess 
the minister's text was meant for me : " Chain up a child and 
away she will go." {Here Kitty, in mixing the fiour, gets it all 
on her dress.] 

Kitty. Oh ! For gracious ! Everything goes wrong just 
when you're trying to be 'ticular. 

Marjorie. Why, Kitty Blanchard ! Do look at your dress ! 
What will mother say ? 

Dolly. Here's aunty coming now. [Kitty and Joe hastily 
pick up their things ?\ 

[Enter Mrs. Morton at right. Pauses in surprise at door.] 

Mrs. Morton. Oh, Josephine ! Into trouble again ! How 
did it happen ? 

Joe. Wash-tub just upset itself. 

Mrs. Morton. And what are you doing with your handker- 
chief ? 

Joe. [Looks at it.] Oh, I forgot ! I had to mop up the 
water with something. 

Mrs. Morton. [Crossing to centre.] The very first present 
you received on your birthday — and now look at it ! 

Joe. [ Wringing it out.] I don't know what's the matter 
with me. I started out this morning with a lot of new revolu- 
tions, but my fingers get bothered and everything goes wrong. 
I guess I'm a mistake — somehow. 

Marjorie. You're half boy, Joe — that's what's the matter. 

Joe. I wish I was all boy. Boys are something like. 

Mrs. Morton. [Taking Dolly np in her lap and sitti?ig in 
rocking-chair J to Kitty. J Oh, Kitty ! Are you into mischief 
too ? Do look at your dress. You look like Little Butterpat. 

Dolly. Who was Butterpat ? 



JOE. 5 

Mrs. Morton. Oh, she was a girl I used to know. 

Kitty. Tell us about her. What'd she do with the butter ? 

Mrs. Morton. It's an old story now. 

Dolly. Oh, Goody ! Aunty's going to tell us a story. \To 
Mrs. Morton.] Is it a really truly story ? 

Mrs. Morton. Yes, it's a true story. When I was about 
Joe's age we lived near the school-house where the post-office 
now stands, and I had a girl friend who lived next door. We 
were always together till one dreadful day her mother sent her 
to the store to buy some butter. 

Joe. \Standing by Mrs. Morton's chair.'] Why didn't her 
brother go for it ? 

Mrs. Morton. She had no brothers. [Marjorie and Kitty 
stajid on other side.] 

Joe. She never had any good times, then. 

Mrs. Morton. Oh, yes, we did — real good times. Well, as I 
was saying, she was sent to get the butter, and when she came 
home she carried the butter on her arm and it stained her dress, 
and when I saw her I called her Little Butterpat. 

Kitty. That wasn't her real name ? 

Mrs. Morton. Oh, no ! Her name was Mary Samson. She 
was a sensitive little thing, and when I said she was Little 
Butterpat she went home, and that afternoon I heard her crying 
in the next yard. I wanted to go and tell her I didn't mean it, 
and that she wasn't Butterpat at all, but mother wouldn't let 
me go. 

Marjorie. Why not ? Wasn't she a good girl ? 

Mrs. Morton. Yes, she was a sweet little thing. 

Joe. Could she row a boat, or skate, or ride a wheel. 

Mrs. Morton. No. Girls didn't do such things in those days. 

Joe. Then they didn't have any fun. 

Mrs. Morton. Oh, yes ; we had plenty of good times. Be- 
sides, she was learning to make lace, for her folks were not very 
well off. Well, as I was saying, something dreadful happened 
that very day. Poor Mary's father died very suddenly, and 
though I saw her twice all dressed in black, I never spoke to 
her again. 

Dolly. Was she as good as you are ? 

Mrs. Morton. Oh, far better than I, for I never had a chance 
to tell her it was all in fun and that I didn't mean to hurt her 
feelings by calling her Butterpat. 

Joe, Don't you think you could find her ? Perhaps she has 
boys of her own, and I'd like to have 'em come to my party. 

Mrs. Morton. I don't know where she is, dear. She went 



6 JOE. 

away and I never saw her again. {Puts 1i{i)\^ down and rises?[ 
Now, Dolly, I must go to the kitchen and see about lunch. You 
and Kitty must stay to lunch with Marjorie and Joe and help 
them get ready for the party. There are nuts to crack and 
flowers to be cut in the garden. 

Dolly. S'all you have strawberries for lunch ? 

Mrs. Morton. Yes, dear, strawberries and cream and round 
cakes. 

Dolly. Den I fink I'll stay with you, 

Mrs. Morton, So you shall, dear, \To Joe.] Josephine, 
you must clear away all these things before Norah comes to 
sweep the room. Remember the good resolutions you made 
this morning. 

Joe. Somehow the revolutions didn't go all over me. My 
hands and feet got left out. 

Mrs. Morton. {Moves left ; /^ Maijorie.] Marjorie, if the 
little girl comes for the lace, come up to my room and get the 
work I have for her. 

Marjorie. I don't know her. What's her name ? 

Mrs. Morton. {At door left.'] It's Neal, I think. She's just 
moved into the village and I have not seen her yet, but I'm told 
she can mend lace nicely. Don't forget, Marjorie. {Ex. left.] 

Marjorie. {Picks up doll and sits in rocker. ~\ No, I'll not 
forget. {To others.] It's time the children had their nap. I 
must put Amanda Jane to bed, 

Dolly. Where is Tusan ? I must rock her, 

Joe. {Gives Dolly the doll from the table.] Seems to me, 
Dolly, Susan has grown dreadful thin lately. 

Dolly. {Taking the doll.] Ess. She got tored and the stuff- 
ing runs out. [Tl? Marjorie.] Take me up. [Marjorie takes 
Dolly i^i- her lap and rocks the chair. If desired, Marjorie 
may recite the following in measured cadetice while rockiiig 
the chair.] 

Marjorie. Sleep, dolly, sleep. 

Faithful watches mother keeps 
While her dolly sweetly sleeps. 
Sleep, dolly, sleep. 
Sleep and dream in mother's arm, 
She will keep thee safe from harm, 
Till she shall her dolly wake 
And {Bus.] a dozen kisses take. 

[Joe <3;;z^ Kitty clear away the things and put them at 
back or carry them out at right, and then return.] 



JOE. 7 

{Enter ^^iW. dressed in a gentleman s long coat and wearing a 
silk hat a7id wearing glasses and carrying a catte, right.] 

Sam. [At door.] Hello ! 

Kitty. [ IVith a laugh.] Oh, for gracious ! Who's that ? 
[Others all laugh.] 

Joe. Oh ! It's the Judge, dressed up in father's things. 

Sam. [ Co7nes down very gravely.] Anybody sick here ? 
I'm the doctor. 

Dolly. Ess ; I'm dreffle sick. I need a dum-drop. 

Sam. \_To Dolly.] Put out your tongue. [DoUy i^z^/i" out 
tongue.] Oh, you've got the jumps real bad. You must take a 
medative. 

Dolly. Is it nice to take ? 

Sam. Oh, first-rate. You put the blue paper in one tumbler 
and the white paper in another, and then you drink 'em, and it 
tickles your nose. 

Marjorie. \Serioiisly.] Oh, doctor ! I'm so glad you have 
come. Amanda Jane hasn't closed her eyes for two nights, and 
I'm much concerned about her. 

Sam. [Cocks up the glasses, looks wise, and takes doll's 
pulse.] Her pulse is powerful. She's got the plumbago. 

Kitty. [Showing her doll.] Dear doctor, do look at Stella ; 
she's quite speechless, and has no appetite. 

Sam. [7^^ Kitty.] One patient at a time, if you please. I 
might get the dog-noses all mixed up. [To Marjorie.] Put the 
child's feet in mustard and water, and bathe her head in 
chopped ice. 

Joe. [To Marjorie.] I never would do it in the world, Mar- 
jorie. The paint will all come off, 

Marjorie. Oh, we'll play it's mustard and water ; Amanda 
Jane won't know the difference. She's very dull for a doll of 
her size. 

[Enter Jack, %uith straw hat on, at left.] 

Jack. Hallo, Sam 1 What you playing ? 

Joe, Come in, Jack. We're playing doctor. It's great fun. 

Marjorie. [To Jack.] Poor dear Amanda Jane has the 
plumbago. 

Dolly. \To Jack.] Ess. And I'se got the jumps. 

Joe. [To Jack.] The Judge is the doctor and he's describ- 
ing the most dreadful things for the dolls. 

Jack. [Sits at right, pulls newspaper fro7n pocket.] Ho ! 
I shouldn't think that would be very great fun. I'd much rather 
hunt bears and buffaloes. 



8 JOE. 

Kitty. [To Sam.] Dear doctor, do look at Stella. I feel 
sure something dreadful has happened to her. 

Sam. [Crossing to left.'] What are her simpletons, marm ? 

Kitty. [Marjorie and Dolly looJz on with interest.] She's 
very restless at night and her appetite's poor. 

Sam. [ Taking paper and pencil from pocket and scribbling 
on it.] Take that to the apothecary man, marm -I guess he 
lives in the barn — and give her tv^^o drops in a gallon of water 
every four hours. 

Kitty. [Picking tip doll.] Thank you, doctor ; I'll go at 
once before the poor child is any worse. 

Dolly. I want to go, too. 

Marjorie. [Putting down Dolly, and rising, leaving doll 
on table.] Let's all go. Amanda Jane needs a tonic. 

Dolly. And I need a dum-drop. [Kitty moves up to back 
entrance, followed by Marjorie and DoUy.J 

Joe. [To Marjorie.] Where are you going ? 

Marjorie. We are going out to the potecary man in the 
barn. Come on, Joe. [Ex. Kitty, Marjorie, Dolly attd Joe, at 
back.] 

Sam. Well, I never did see such folks. They aren't any 
kind of patients. They never said a word about fees. 

Jack. [Showing paper.] Oh, Sam ! Just hear this. Isn't 
it prime ? [Reads from paper.] " And the following day the 
boy hunters rose early, and after a hearty breakfast of salmon 
and bear-steak they struck their tent and embarked in their frail 
canoe on the placid waters of the Great Snake River. Their 
first adventure was the meeting of an alligator ; but one shot 
from their trusty rifles laid the iiionster low, and they cut off 
his head for a trophy. Just then the young heroes saw a fleet 
of canoes filled with Indians coming down the river, and they 
knew they would have another brush with their savage foes. 
'Now,' said Captain Lightfoot, 'don't fire till you see the 

whites of their eyes ' To be continued in our next." That's 

always the way. Just as it's most interesting it gets continued 
in our next. 

Sam. Ho ! No fellow could do such things. 

Jack. Yes they can, and I tell you what, Sam Blanchard, 
I've been a-thinking of this for some time, and I've a great mind 
to go hunting buffaloes myself [Looks at paper.] These boys 
in the pictures are no bigger than I am, and they had splendid 
times, and saw Indians. 

Sam. Saw real live Indians ? 

Jack. Of course. I guess we could go out West just as the 



JOE. 9 

boy hunters did. They just walked out there ; and oh, I know ! 
there's an old gun in the garret that we might take. 

Sam. I've got a bow and arrow and a sling. 

Jack. Oh ! A sling's no good. 

Sam. Anyway, the infant Samuel slew Goliath with a sling. 

Jack. Yes, I believe he did ; but we must do as the boy 
hunters did, and take a tent and a gun. Come on, Sam. Let's 

go- 
Sam. What do you s'pose father would say ? 

Jack. Oh ! Your father won't mind if we bring home a 
new buffalo robe. 

Sam. Yes, and we might bring mother a pin-cushion made 
by Indians. \^Makes motions of firing, gun with his cane.] 
Won't it be fun to tumble over the bears ! 

Jack. And scalp the Indians. [With a whoop.] Let's be 
boy hunters. 

Sam. And chase the wild buffalo. 

Jack. And the bears and the — chipmunks. 

Sam. And prairie chickens ? 

Sack. And the wild — what's-its-name. Hurray ! Let's 
get a tent and a gun and a hunting knife. Come on, Sam, 
come on. We are bound for the wild West. \_Ex. Sam at 
right, Sam pulling off the hat and coat and throwing them 
071 the sofa.] 

Sam. It's better fun than doctoring, anyway. We'll chase 
the wild buffalo ! [Ex. Sam at right.] 

[Enter Marjorie at left, followed by Katy.] 

Marjorie. [To Katy.] Mother expects you. She asked me 
to tell her when you came. You can sit here, while I go to her 
room. [Katy sits by table.] I'll be right back. [Ex. at left. 
"KSbty loohs about for a moment and sees doll 07i table ; takes 
it up carefully and looks at it with pleasure.] 

Katy. What a beautiful doll ! I never saw any doll half so 
lovely. 

\E7iter Joe at left. Katy hastily puts down doll on table.] 

Joe. 'Morning. Oh ! You can play with it if you want to. 
It's Marjorie's doll. Sister calls her Amanda Jane. It's a 
French doll, and it can shut its eyes — only they are out of order 
just now. 

Katy. [Takiiig doll again.] It's a perfect beauty. It must 
be a great comfort to have such a doll. 

Joe. [Coming to table.] Yes. I suppose so. I don't care 



iO JOE. 

much for dolls. I prefer jackstones and skating, and things 
boys do. Do you like 'em ? 

Katy. Like who ? 

Joe. Wliy, boys. I prefer 'em to girls. [Sees the box of 
caramels on table.'] Oh, here are some caramels. Do you like 
caramels ? 

Katy. Yes, very much. I haven't had one for more than a 
year. 

Joe. Not had a caramel for a whole year ! That's perfectly 
dreadful. I declare, you ought to have a lot to make up. 
Hold your handkerchief, and I'll give you some. [Katy spreads 
her handkerchief in her lap, a?td Joe pours part of the cara- 
mels into it.] 

Katy. Oh, thank you. 

Joe. You won't tell, will you ? Maybe Marjorie wouldn't 
like it. 

Katy. [Hesitating.] Then, perhaps, I'd better not take 
them. 

Joe. Yes, you may. I dare say Marjorie will not care. 
Besides, you haven't had a caramel for a whole year, which is 
just awful. 

[Enter Marjorie cit right.] 

Marjorie. [To Katy.] Mother says you can come to her 
room. [Ex. right. ^Sitj pnts caramels ifi her pocket and 
rises.] 

Joe. [Leading the way to right.] You w-on't tell, though, 
will you ? 

Katy. [Moving to left.] Oh, no, of course not, if you do 
not wish me to. [Ex. both at left.] 

[Enter Jack and Sam at left with a sheet, two blankets, an 
old gU7i, a hatchet, loaf of bread and some cakes, etc.] 

Jack. [Placing sheet at centre^ Let's put the sheet on the 
floor and put everything into it. 

Sam. [Taking box of caramels and emptying it on sheet.] 
Here are some caramels. They will go first-rate with the bear- 
steak and salmon. 

Jack. [Taking iip Marjorie's doll.] We ought to take a 
good doll. 

Sam. What for ? 

Jack. [Putting doll on sheet.] Why, if we met any Indian 
girls, we could give it to them, and it will keep them quiet, and 
they will not wake up ihe big Indians. 

Sam. Shall we meet any real Indians to-day t 



jOE. it 

Jack. I guess if we go far enough we shall. Now, let's gd 
out the back way, through the woods, and strike right off for 
the West. [Jack bundles up the things and Sam takes the 
gun.] 

Sam. Won't the girls be surprised to find we have gone 
hunting buffaloes ? 

Jack. Oh, they won't care. They have their dolls. 

Sam. Hadn't we ought to bid the folks good-bye ? 

Jack. [At door, back.'\ No. Come on. Perhaps they'll 
come and see us in our first camp. Come on. 

Sam. Shall we see a bear soon ? 

Jack. Mebby we'll hear 'em growling round the camp to- 
night. 

Sam. Hurray ! Now for the wild West. \_Ex. both at back.] 

\_Enter Katy at right with small package in her hand.] 

Katy. [Looking about.] How happy they must be with such 
pretty things and such lovely dolls ! Little Pussie at home plays 
with broken bits ot china and a rag doll, under the trees. [Sees 
open piano and pauses before it.] Ah ! how grand that is ! 
[Looks about.] I wonder if they would mind? [Touches one 
key and draws back in alarm.] Oh ! I should like to — and 
it can't do any harm. [Touches several notes.] It sounds like 
birds inside. [Looks aboitt.] There's no one here, and every 
one seems so good and kind, [Song here, if desired. Speaks.] 
I really must go now. I'd like to see that girl who loves boys 
again, to thank her for the caramels. Pussie will be so glad to 
get them. Poor little sister. I'm not sure she ever saw a cara- 
mel in her life. [Looks off back.] I wonder if this is the w^ay out ? 
There's a garden and lawn. This must be the way to the road. 
[Ex. at back.] 

[^/^/t'rMarjorie, leadingDollj by hand, at right.] 

Dolly. I fink I'd like anozzer caramel. 

Marjorie, [Going to table and ope^iing box.] So you shall, 
dear. W^hy ! they are all gone. The box is empty. Why ! 
how strange ! Where is Amanda Jane ? 

[Enter Joe at right.] 

Joe. She's a first-rate girl, and I'd like to invite her to my 
party. 

Marjorie. [At centre^ Who is it ? Not the lace-mender's 
girl ? Do you know, I think she's taken my doll. It was here 
a moment ago and now it's gone. 



12 JOE. 

Lolly. [^^ /^^ of table.\ And somebuzzy's stoled all the 
caramels. 

Joe. [71? Marjorie.j I don't believe she took your doll. She 
didn't look like a bad girl. 

\Enter Mrs. Morton at right. '\ 

Mrs. Morton. What is the matter, girls ? 

Dolly. Somebuzzy's eat up all the caramels. 

Marjorie. That Katy Neal has taken my doll. 

Joe. [Crossi7tg to right.'] Oh, I don't believe it. I'll go and 
ask her if she did. 

Marjorie. Anyway, the doll was here, and she was the last 
person in the room. 

Joe. I'll go right out in the driveway and bring her back. 
She's not a bad girl, and I don't believe she has taken a thing. 

Mrs. Morton. She cannot have gone far. Josephine, put on 
your hat and call her back. 

Joe. I don't care for my hat, but I'll find her. {Ex. at left 
in haste.] 

Mrs. Morton. \To Marjorie.] You are sure your doll was 
here, Margy ? It will be very cruel to accuse the girl of a thett 
if she didn't do it. 

Marjorie. {Looking off back.] Why, there she is now talk- 
ing wnth the gardener on the lawn. \Calling off at back.] 
Thomas! Thomas! Tell that girl to come back. Mother wants 
her. {To Mrs. Morton.] She's coming. {Cornes down to right 
and sits with Dolly on her lap.] 

{Enter Katy at back j conies down to centre^ 

Katy. \To Mrs, Morton.] Did you send for me, marm ? 
I hope I didn't forget anything. 

Mrs. Morton. No ; I called you back to ask you if you saw 
anything of a large doll. 

Marjorie. And some caramels. 

Mrs. Morton. [7>j Marjorie.] Hush, Marjorie ! [T^ Katy.] 
Did you see anything of the doll when you were here ? 

XEnterZa^' Stajids in silence at back, with head bent down.] 

Katy. {Begins to be alarmed.] Yes, marm ; I saw it, but — 

I didn't mean any harm and {Aside.] Oh ! where can that 

girl be ? {/direct.] You don't think I stole anything ? Oh, 
marm, you don't, you can't think that ? 

Mrs. Morton. You were the last person here, and the things 
are gone. You may give me the work again. 



JOE. 13 

Katy. [Begins to sob.'] Oh ! don't say that, marm. Don't 

take it. Mother's dreadful poor, and — and [Aside.'] Oh ! 

why don't that girl speak ? {Begins to cry.] Oh ! it is dread- 
ful. I can't tell you, marm, how it is ; I can't really ; but I did 
not steal anything. [Katy begins to cry and pulls out her 
handkerchief and the caramels fall on the floor.] 

Dolly. [With a wail.] Oh ! I don't fink I care for caramels 
any more. 

Mrs. Morton. [Seriously.] I am very sorry, my child ; you 
add one fault to another. 

Katy. [Throwing work on table and moving up.] Oh, 
marm, you — you may take the work. You may whip me — for 

— for it all; but I said I Oh! it is dreadful. I promised I 

wouldn't tell — and I will not. 

TABLEAU. SLOW CURTAIN. 



ACT IL 

[Scene. — A pathway in the woods. At right, a spriftg of 
water under a rock and a grassy bank. Entrance at right 
behind rock. Entrance at left among the trees. Wood scene 
at back. 

Time. — Afternooji of same day. 

Curtain discovers Pussie Neal seated near grass, with bits 
of broken glass and china, with an apple cut in quarters laid 
on a piece of white cloth. Has a large rag doll in her arins.] 

Pussie. [Solus.] I fink I'll play house. Tcnmy may sit at 
the head of the table, and Jurusia next to me, and Sarah there. 
[Places doll beside her.] And 'Dusta there. Dinner is all ready, 
but the milkman didn't come. Guess the cow's gone a-visiting 
— and the grocery-man was all out of sugar. Will you have 
some tea, Mister Tommy ? Oh! I forgot ; the ladies first. \To 
the doll.] Will you have cream in yours, 'Eusta ? No, fank 
you, I never use it. [Laughs.] How lucky tliat is, for there 
isn't any. Will you have two lumps in yours, Sarah ? No, 
fank you, I don't want any. [Aside.] I'm so glad, for it's all 
make-believe. I made the cake myself, but it didn't rise well ; 
I forgot somesing. [Sound of distant thunder heard. Speak- 



14 JOE. 

ing,'\ Hark ! What is that ? {ListensP^ Oh ! it's the angels 
moving the tables 'round. It's sweeping day in the sky. \To 
her guests. ^ Never mind, ladies and gentlemen, it's only two 
steps to the house, and if the angels spill the water we'll run 
into the kitchen and play, 

\Enter Mrs. Neal at right.'] 

Mrs. Neal. [Looks offright.\ Have you seen Katy, Pussie ? 

Pussie. No, mother ; and isn't it very funny ? \Points to 
rag doll.] 'Dusta, Eliza has such an appetite, I fear she'll have 
the cumpsion some day. 

Mrs. Neal. Oh ! she's a strong young thing ; I dare say 
she will soon recover. 

Pussie. Yes, 'Dusta, Eliza is pretty tough — Katy said so. 
[Thunder heard.] 

Mrs. Neal. I'm sorry Katy is so late. There's a shower 
coming up, and she may get caught in it. Come, dear, bring 
dolly into the house. It's going to rain. 

Pussie. Shall I ask Tommy and Jurusia and the others to 
come in ? 

Mrs. Neal. Who are Tommy and Jurusia ? 

Pussie. [LaiigJis.] Oh ! they are make-believes. They 
came to tea with me. I really ought to ask them in, if it rains. 

Mrs. Neal. Oh, certainly. Present my compliments, and 
tell them I shall be delighted to have them call. 

Pussie. [To hnagmary guests.] Mrs. Neal sends her com- 
pliments, and you are to come in the kitchen if it rains, 

Mrs. Neal. [With a laugh.] Oh, Pussie, Pussie! You 
bring back my girl days, when I played with my girl friend 
who lived next door. She liked to play house so much that, 
one day, she turned the hens all out of their house, and invited 
me to come and live with her there. 

Pussie, Shf^ doesn't live in the hens' house now ? 

Mrs. Neal. [Laughs.] No ; I think not, but I really don't 
know ; for after thai I went away to school, and I never saw 
her again. [Looks off left.] Oh, there's Katy coming through 
the woods. She looks tired and troubled. I wonder what's 
the matter ? 

[Enter Katy at left.] 

Katy. Oh, mother ! I'm glad you came to meet me. I've 
had a dreadful time, and — I've — I've lost the work. 

Mrs. Neal. Oh, Katy ! How careless of you ! How could 
you have lost it ? 



JOE. 15 

Katy. I didn't lose it in that way. The lady — oh, mother ! — • 
the lady said I stole some caramels, and she took the work 
away. 

Mrs. Neal. Never mind, dear. Of course, you didn't take 
the caramels. The lady was mistaken. 

Katy, Yes — she was mistaken, — but I had some of the cara- 
mels in my pocket. 

Mrs. Neal. Oh, Katy ! 

Katy. [Sobbi7ig.'] But I did not take them. Indeed, I did 
not. One of the girls there — who loved boys — gave them to 
me, and told me not to tell, and I wouldn't, and — oh, it was so 
cruel in them to call me a thief when I'd promised not to tell 
where I got the caramels. 

Mrs. Neal. Yes, dear, they were unkind, but we must for- 
give them. Some day they will find out their mistake. Let us 
go home now. [All move to right.\ 

Pussie. {With doll.'] We must hurry, mother. Dolly is 
dressed rather thin, and she may take cold. [Ex. all at right.] 

[Enter Jack ^nd Sam ^t left, with all their things and two 
rough poles. Both very tired.] 

Jack. Here's a good place to camp. [Thunder heard.] 

Sam. [Dropping his load.] Cricky ! It's going to rain. I 
don't suppose there's a house anywhere near. I'm awful tired. 

Jack. [Placing things on the ground.] What's the good 
of a house, when we've got a tent ? [Sees the spring.] Here's 
a spring and a grassy place, just as it said in the " Boy Hunt- 
ers." Let's pitch the tent here for the night. 

Sam. [Looks off at back.] I guess we'd better. It looks 
awful black over there. [They set up one pole in the ground 
near back, and rest the other on top and on linib of tree, and 
take the thifigs out of the sheet and ptit the sheet over the 
poles to make a te7it.] 

Jack. [ While at work.] That's the style ! Put some stones 
on the sides of the tent to keep it from blowing away. We'll 
pin it together at the back. 

Sam. [Putting blankets atid other things in tent.] This is 
just gay ; I don't believe any fellows ever had such a good time. 

Jack. [Taking up hatchet.] Now, let's chop down some 
bushes and make a fire. 

Sam. Won't the bears find the tent ? 

Jack. [Moves to right.] Oh, I guess not ; they may smell 
round — that's 9,11 ; we won't go tar. We'll have a fire soon and 
get supper, 



l6 JOE. 

Sam. Enough said. I'm awful hungry, anyway. [Ex. both 
at right first entrance.^ 

[Enter Micky Flynn, at left.] 

Micky. [Solus.] I must peg along lively, or I'll get a soak- 
ing. [Sees tent.] Hullo ! Here's a lark ! Some fellows 
camping out. [Sees the doll.] Blue herrings and broomsticks ! 
What's that ? A doll ! It must be a girls' camp. [Takes up 
doll and throws it down again.] That's no good. Blue her- 
rings again ! There's a gun ! That's the thing for me. 

Katy. [Outside at right.] Hurry, Pussie ! We must find 
the things before it rains. 

Micky. {Slipping into tent.] Somebody's coming. I'll 
just lay low. 

[Enter Katy and Pussie at right.] 

Katy. [Comes down without observing tent.] Where did 
you leave the things, Pussie ? 

Pussie. I was playing near the spring with Tommy and 
'Dusta, and the others. 

Katy. Tommy and 'Dusta ! Who are they ? 

Pussie. Oh, they were only make-believes. 

Katy. [Picking up the playthings.] Here they are. Now, 
we must run home as fast as we can. [Sees tent.] Why ! 
some boys have camped here. 

Pussie. [Poi7tts to tent.] Oh, the boy is there ! 

Micky. [Cojnes out of tent with gun in his hand, at centre ^^ 
What yer want here ? [Pussie retreats and clings to Katy.] 

Katy. [At right centre.] Oh, we didn't know you were 
there. We were going home. 

Micky. Well, just get along with ye, arid don't ye tell any- 
body I'm here. 

[Enter Sam with bundle of brushwood in his arms, at right. 
Katy and Pussie move up.] 

Sam. [Sees Micky ; pauses at right centre.] What you 
doing with that gun ? This is our camp, and you had better go 
away. 

Micky. [At centre, to Sam.] What you got to say about it, 
small boy? [Threatens to strike Sam, who retreats to left, 
and lets wood fall 07i fioor.] 

Sam, That's our gun, and you had better put it down. 

Katy. [To Micky.] Oh, for shame ! To strike a little 
fellow like that. 



JOE. 17 

Micky. \T0lli2Xj, cind threatening her.'] I'll give you the 
same, if you don't clear out. 

{Enter Jack, with ivood and hatchet, at right.'] 

Jack. {Throwing down the wood at right :\ What do you 
mean ? You're a coward, to strike a girl. 

Micky. {Drops gun and rolls up sleeves.'] Oh ! I'm a 
coward, am I ? 

Jack. {Pulling off his coat.] It's mean to strike a girl, and 
I'll thrash you if you touch her. 

Katy. Mercy ! They are going to fight. {To PusslC-] 
Run right home, Pussie, and tell mother. {Ex. Pussie at right. 
Thunder heard louder than before. Lights dowji slightly.] 

Micky. {Preparing to fight.] He called me a coward. I'll 
just punch his head for it. {During this Sam cilso rolls up his 
sleeves.] 

Jack. {To Sam.] Stand back, Sam. Let's have a fair fight. 
\To Micky.] I'll teach you to strike a girl. {The boys square 
off as if to fight. A sudden fiash of lightning and louder 
thunder. Lights down.] 

Katy. Mercy ! How it pours ! {Ex. quickly at right. 
Sam at same time dives itito tent for shelter.] 

Micky. {Suddenly picks up gun and moves left.] Blue 
herrings and broomsticks 1 It's coming down like sixty. 
{Runs off at left.] 

Jack. Ginger ! This is awful. Guess I'll make for the tent. 
{Dives into the tent.] 

Sam. {Inside tent.] Oh ! the water is coming in. I'm all 
wet. 

Jack. Hang on to the tent-pole, or the whole thing will fall 
down. 

Sam. I can't ! I can't ! The water is running down my 
back. Oh ! there's a brook running through the tent, {The 
tent sways from side to side. Lightnirig ajtd thunder and 
heavy rain.] 

Jack. Hold her down ! Hold her down, or she'll blow away. 

Sam. Oh ! I can't. It's raining in. Oh, take me home. 
Take me home. I'm all wet. I want my mother. Boo-hoo ! 

Jack. Oh, you're no kind of a hunter, Sam. Who's afraid 

of a {The tent falls down on the boys, who struggle to 

escape. Jack appears at one side and Sam the other.] 

[Enter Mrs. Neal andKsLtj under spread umbrellas, follcwed 
by Pussie holding a ragged little parasol, Mrs Neal and 



I8 JOE. 

Katy pull the boys outp^om tinder the tent and carry them 
off quickly at right. Katy finds the doll and carries it off 
right. The thunder dies away and the rain stops and it 
grows lighter. After brief pause, enter Joe cit left with 
umbrella. Lights up.] 

Joe. Life is an awful bother. My good revolutions broke all 
to pieces. And now the boys are lost and everybody is raving 
distracted and running every which way to find 'em. Mother 
sent for the constable and they rung the meeting-house bell and 
I started right out to find them and I got caught in a shower 
and had to stay in the blacksmith shop and the blacksmith's 
wife lent me an umbrella and she said she knew the boys 
wouldn't go far, [Discovers tent.] Why ! Do look -at that 
sheet. Somebody has been camping here. I hope it's not 
gypsies. [Startled, moves to right.] Why ! Somebody's 
coming. 

[Enter Micky Flinn cit right, and carry ijtg the gun.] 

Micky. Blue herrings ! It's a girl ! 

Joe. '[Aside.] It's only a boy. [21? Micky.] You haven't 
seen two lost boys, have you ? 

Micky. Sixty ! Boys lost ? Say, your name isn't Morton, 
is it? 

Joe. Yes. I'm Joe. 

Micky. I found this gun and it's marked " Morton." 

Joe. Why, that's father's gun. Let me see it. 

Micky. [Holding back.] Hold on, Daisy. Who are you, 
anyway ? 

Joe. I'm Joe — Joe Morton. Let me take the gun. 

Micky. Oh ! All right. 

Joe. [Takes the gU7i ajid handles it as if she was familiar 
with it.] Why, it's' father's gun. I've fired it ever so many 
times. 

Micky. Blue herrings ! You fire a gun ? You are tough. 

Joe. Where did you get this gun ? 

Micky. Why, I found it. I'll take it now. 

Joe. [Drawing back.] No, sir — I'm going to keep it. 

Micky. Oh ! come off. Give me the shooting-iron. 

Joe. [Standing on the defensive?^ I will not. 

Micky. Oh ! What fooling is this ? Give it me or I'll hit 
yer. 

Joe. [Snapping the lock and standijig at guard.] Stand 
back ! 



jofi. 19 

Micky. [Alarmed.] Oh, don't shoot ! Don't shoot ! I — I 
didn't mean nuffin. [Aside.] Never seed such a tough girl 
before. 

Joe. Where did you get this gun ? 

Micky. Why — I 

Joe, Where did you get this gun ? 

Micky. I — I — T— [Aside.] Blue herrings ! Here's another. 

[Enter Marjorie in haste at left.] 

•Marjorie. Why, Joe ! How came you here ? 

Joe. I've met the enemy and they — I mean he is mine. 
[To Micky.] Now, Mister Boy, where did you get this gun ? 

Micky. I found it. 

Marjorie. Josephine Morton, you are a boy. 

Joe. Where ? 

Micky. Well, mum, there was two boys 

Marjorie. Two boys ? 

Micky. Yes'm ! Big boy and little boy, and they had a camp 
and it came on to rain and they left the gun and I thought I'd 
take care of it. 

Marjorie. Oh ! it was Jack and the Judge. Mother is 
nearly distracted and everybody is scouring the woods and fields. 
I declare I never knew boys were so important till they were 
lost. 

Joe. [To Micky.] Then where are the boys now ? 

Micky. I don't know — honest now 1 I don't know where 
they went to. 

Joe. Marjorie, you run home quick's you can scamper and 
tell mother we have found the boys' camp. 

Marjorie. You are not afraid to stay here — alone ? 

Joe. Oh, no ; mister — what's your name, boy ? 

Micky. Micky. 

Joe. [Business with gun.] Attention ! There ! Your full 
name ? 

Micky. Michael Macgillicuddy Flynn. 

Joe. Mister Michael Macgillicuddy Flynn, Esquire, will stay 
with me till you get back with mother — won't you, Michael ? 

Micky. Yes — yes'm ! 

Joe. [Shouldering gun J- to Micky.] 'Tis well. [7b Mar- 
jorie.] Now, do hurry, Marjorie. 

Marjorie. I'll run all the way. [Ex. alright. ZoQniarches 
up and down on guard.] 

Micky. [After a pause.] Say, Cap'n, aren't you tired carry- 
ing that gun ? 



50 JOE. 

Joe. No talking in the ranks. 

Micky. Yes, sir. I ain't saying a word, am I ? [Aside.] 
Blue herrings ! Here comes a woman ! 

{Enter Mrs. Neal at right.] 

Mrs. Neal. {Stops in surprise.] Why, what does this 
mean ? 

Joe. Oh, nothing, marm. The boys are lost and this person, 
this Mister Michael Macgillicuddy Flynn, knows something 
about it. I'm holding him till the authorities arrive. 

Micky. Oh, I 

Joe. Silence ! Base coward ! {Aside to Mrs. Neal.] The 
gun isn't loaded, but I've got him dead frightened. 

Mrs. Neal. Two boys — lost '^. 

Joe. Yes, marm. Master Jack Morton — my brother, and 
the Judge— I mean Sam Blanchard. 

Mrs, Neal. {Calls left.] Katy ! Katy ! 

Katy. {Outside, left.] Coming. 

Mrs. Neal. Bring the boys here. Here is somebody who 
knows theni. 

Joe. {Dropping the gun on the ground ajid running to Mrs. 
Neal.] Oh ! Oh ! You found them ! Then they are safe. 
And Sam, is he all right ? His mother is just raving, distracted. 

And Jack ! Why, mother nearly had the 'sterics and 

{Laughs.] Oh, dear ! I shall cry in a minute, I know I shall. 

Mrs. Neal. {Putting her arms aI)out her.] You dear child ! 
They are both safe. 

Joe. Oh ! I'm so glad. {Laughs.] I love boys. {Cries.] 
And Jack's such a — a good boy — and the Judge — is a — well, 
Sam's — such a little fellow. 

{Enter Katy at left j stops in surprise. Joe breaks away from 
Mrs. Neal and runs to Katy.] 

Joe. Oh ! Here you are ! Can you forgive me ? I was so 
selfish to let you suffer. I've cried my eyes out thinking how 
mean it was not to say I gave you the caramels. 

Katy. Oh, I didn't mind. Of course it was all a mistake. 
I'll go for the boys. {Ex. right. Sound of shouts and voices 
ill distance at right.] 

Micky. Blue herrings and broomsticks ! The procession is 
coming. 

{Enter Marjorie at right.] 

Marjorie. She's coming ! Mother's coming ! 



JOE. 21 

[Ettier Mrs. Morton at right, followed by Kitty and Dolly.] 

Mrs. Morton. [Szcrprised.] Why, Mary Samson ! This 
is a surprise ! I didn't know you lived so near. I didn't know 
you were the Mrs. Neal. [Presents Joe.] This is my Jose- 
phine. {Presents Marjorie.] And this is my Marjorie. And 
to think you found my Jack ! Where are the boys ? 

[^^/^rPussie at right j goes to Mrs. Neal.] 

Mrs. Neal. They are both safe and sound at my house. 

Mrs. Morton. [Presents Dolly.] And this is my sister's 
Dolly. [To Dolly.] Dolly dear, this is the girl I used to know 
when I was a girl. 

Dolly. [To Mrs. Neal.] Are you Little Butterpat ? [All 
laugh ^^ 

Mrs. Neal. [To Mrs. Morton.] How that brings up the 
old school-days and its tears and laughter. [Presentijtg'Sw,^- 
sie.] And this is my Pussie. [To Pussie.] Pussie, dear, this 
lady was my old school-mate. 

Pussie. Do you live in the hens' house now ? [All laugh.} 

[Enter Jack at right j Jack dressed in a suit too big for him.\ 

Jack. Here we are. We had a bully time. 

Mrs. Morton. Oh, Jack ! Where have you been ? 

Jack. We went hunting Indians, but it came on to rain and 

, [Sees Joe.] Hullo, Joe ! Tell you, Katy Neal's the best 

kind of a girl. She can make the primest griddle-cakes you ever 
saw. I ate ten and Sam seven. 

Mrs. Morton. You precious child ! Where is Sam ? 

Jack. Oh ! the Judge is coming with Katy. 

Mrs. Morton. And what have you got on ? 

Mrs. Neal. They were wet through and I gave Jack my 
Tom's suit and Katy fitted out Sam. Oh ! and here they are 
now. 

[Enter Katy leading Sam, who is dressed in a girTs frock. 
All laugh.'] 

Sam. We had such a time ! We had a camp, and most had 
a fight. We didn't see a single bear or Indian. 

Mrs. Morton. You precious child, you had a fight ? 

Katy. A rude boy troubled me and [points to Jack] this 
brave boy was going to thrash him, but it began to rain. 

Joe. Who licked, Jack ? 



22 JOE. 

Jack. We called it a drorred game, because it began to rain 
and the rain demoralized the boy. 

Joe. My ! What a big word ! ^All laugh?^ 

Marjorie. \Gathers up the tent and discovers the doll 
under it.'] Oh ! Oh ! Here's Amanda Jane. And her com- 
plexion is ruined. [All laugh.] 

Jack. Oh ! We took that to give to the Indians to keep 'em 
quiet. Tell you, the story papers are no good. 

Joe. And Katy never took the doll at all, and I gave her the 
caramels, and I was afraid to tell. 

Marjorie. Oh, Joe ! How could you ! I wouldn't have cared 
if she had 'em all. 

Mrs. Morton. \To Micky.] And did you help find the boys ? 

Micky. No, mum. I found the gun. 

Joe. Yes, he did, mother. He helped. His name is Michael 
Macgillicuddy Flynn. Isn't it, Mike ? 

Micky. Yes, sir. [All laugh.] 

Mrs. Morton. Well, Michael, it is Josephine's birthday, and 
you must come home with us and help eat up the birthday cake. 

Micky. You don't mean it ? 

Jack. Of course she does. Joe likes boys, and you'll have a 
tip-top time. 

Micky. I'll go — [points to Katy] — it that girl will forgive me. 

Katy. Oh ! Everybody is so good and kind, I'll forgive you 
with all my heart. 

Mrs. Morton. Come, children, it's time to go home. Come, 
Pussie and Katy and Michael, and Mary Samson, dear, you must 
come with the rest. We, too, must live our childhood again 
in our children. 

Joe. Come on, boys. My birthday is over and I must get 
up a new set of revolutions. [All move off right ^vith the tent 
and tilings a?id talking and laughing together.] 

SLOW CURTAIN. 



THE DRAWATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY'S CATALOGUE 

NEW FLAYS, 1897-98. 

The First Kiss. 

Comedy in One Act, 

BY 

MAURICE HAGEMAN, 

Author *' By Telephone," " A Crazy Idea," Etc. 
One male, one female characters. Plays twenty minutes. 
Scene, a handsomely furnished room. Costumes, afternoon 
dress of to-day. This sketch presents an entirely new plot, 
with novel situations and business. The fun is continuous 
and the dialogue bright and refined. Price, 15 cents. 



Bird's Island. 



Drama in Four Acts, 

BY 

MRS. SALLIE F. TOLER. 

Author of "Handicapped," Etc. 
Five male (may be played with four), four female char- 
acters. One exterior, two interior scenes. Costumes, summer 
costumes of to-day. Plays two and one-half hours. This is 
one of the strongest dramas since "East Lynne." Thrilling 
situations abound and the comedy element is equally strong. 
The drama is strong in character parts, the plot including a 
blind man, an Englishman, who is not slow in every sense of 
the word, an Irishman, a Scotchwoman, a Creole maid and a 
charming soubrette, all of whom are star parts. The profes- 
sional stage will find this a drawing and paying play — but 
amateurs can easily produce it. Price, 25 cents. 



Hector. 



Farce in One Act, 

BY 

MAURICE HAGEMAN. 

Author of "First Kiss," "A Crazy Idea," Etc. 
Six male, two female characters. Plays forty-five minutes. 
Costumes, one messenger boy's, man and woman servants, a 
dudish young man, a flashy Hebrew, and lady and gentle- 
man's street dress. Scene, a well furnished reception room. 
This farce has been a great success among professionals. 
The situations are so funny they can not be spoiled by the 
most inexperienced actors. The dialogue keeps up a constant 
hurrah in the audience. Hector, the dog, forms the central 
idea of the plot of the play, but need not be seen at any 
time unless a suitable animal is at hand. Price, 15 cents. 



THE DBAWATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY'S CATALOGUI 

NEW PLAYS, 1897-98. 

Diamonds and Hearts, 

Comedy Drama in Three Acts, 

BY 

EFFIE W. MERRIMAN. 

Author of "Socials," "Pair of Artists," " Maud MuUer," Etc., Etc. 

Four male, five female characters. Plays two hours. Cos- 
tumes of to-day for house and street. Three interior scenes. 
Each character in this play is original and life-like. The 
three pretty young ladies have each a marked individuality, 
as have also the young doctor and young villain. The bach- 
elor farmer has no rival unless we except the leading roles in 
" Denman Thompson," and *' Shore Acres." He is a homespun 
lovable man and the scene in his home with his equally at- 
tractive sister is one of the strongest in the play. The drama 
is full of comedy, pathos and country life of the most whole- 
some nature. The story possesses an intense dramatic inter- 
est. Price, 25 cents. 



An American Harem, 

Comedietta in One Act. 

Two male, five female characters. Plays twenty minutes. 
Costumes are ordinary street dress, except travelling suit for 
one man and very elaborate house dress for the servant. 
Scene, a handsomely furnished parlor. Frank's young wife 
suddenly disappears from home in a fit of temper, at the same 
time that his old college chum as suddenly appears to pay him 
a visit. His Irish servant, his mother, his sister and his 
cousin, with the best intentions of helping him out of the 
scrape, present themselves as his wife and the fun that ensues 
is immense. The comic situations arising from these com- 
plications are unlimited and the way in which the bright and 
sparkling dialogue works them out, keeps the audience con- 
vulsed from first to last. It is a play which furnishes oppor- 
tunity for the highest class of acting, but at the same time if 
the players simply walk through it, it will make a hit every 
time. 

It is easily staged as no scenery is required and the cos- 
tuming and properties are always at hand. Pric^^ V^ cents. 



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